I'm Anna. Boring, weird, ex-girlfriend, co-dependant, loner, dog person with a lack of self control. My best friend is a psych major working on her doctorate. I did the right thing and got an education but it got me now where without any fond memories, since I was busy at school or work. I waited ten years to get a relationship going with a guy I cared about and ended up with a 60 k second mortgage and a lot of junk to show for it. I contacted an old b-friend I had missed via email, only to find out he's teaching English in Japan, won't send me a post card (wonder if he's really in Japan), recently divorced (wonder if that's true?), can't afford a ticket to the states (another one?) and now loosing interest as he's seen all of me via the pic's I sent. I'm making a fool of my self sending email after email and experiance what it's like to talk to a blank wall in cyber space and look for answers that aren't there on line. I never ask why. I figure I already know the answer. Don't get me wrong. I could walk into a bar and never go home alone, but I found out in my 20's that's not very fullfilling. I guess the excitment of the moment, like high school make-out-in-the -bleachers, are a thing of the past and the adrenalin only lasts a few minites anyway.
Today, I'm making my self a promise. I'm going to get a life. I'm taking one step at a time away from Yokohama. No mater how painful and how lunny since I was never there anyway but I feel I know enough about the city to live there, just no clue about the guy I contacted who says he lives there. Of course I knew him or thought I did, when we were 15 yrs old. I guess visiting soon means whenever or dream on, now. I feel so stupid. I'm the one that picks up my peices and trys to move on. My place looks like a co-dependant has been sleeping on the couch, and I have. There's an electronic pic frame with pics of his private parts on my dresser in my bed room. I've turned down completely acceptable men simply because my mother wanted me to date him. I'm the only one who's never been married and I thought a good job with benifits and property and no children or in-laws would make me a good catch, so to speak. Silly me. Stopped visiting the tanning salon. I've closed my myspace and my juno accounts. Don't want any more invites from guys who my friend remembers giving head to. Why would a girl give head but complain the recipiant couldn't keep his hands off her? Why would that guy go back to that girl, who he claimed he couldn't remember, and ask that she introduce him to her friend via email? That's over my head. Again, I don't ask. To me, that's sick.
Why do people "date" online, anyway? It's not satisfying in the least. Does it save them the trouble of disclosing their personal location and phone number till they realize the person on the other end is a nut case? Wouldn't anyone be a nut case if they contacted their first b-friend and he led them on for over 6 months? Then again, we're all adults. We should know the answers without asking the questions, right? Really, how old am I? Gee, what happen to the time?
Hey kids. Don't listen. Go out. Party. Get laid. Have illigitamate children and take whatever job you can get as these will bring you fond memories. Offices are bleak and boring places and the box of fruit I brought home last night from one of my employers outside counsels, while extreamly nice, is no fun with no one to help eat it, except my dogs and bird.
